5:45 am and I hear the sound of her phone announcing that is time to rise and shine and get ready for a new day. However, I don’t have to rise just yet, I have an hour or so before duty calls. Smiling, I roll over in bed, adjust the covers and prepare to dose off until it is my turn to get motivated. But wait, I sense a problem. I hear her fingers manipulating the phone as the light of the screen sends a near blinding light across the bed and directly into my face. The dog dives back under the covers hoping to recover her eyesight and I can hear her wimper softly. What could she possibly be doing with the phone? Texting? Sending a Tweet? A selfie for Instagram? Unfortunately it is worse than that, we are entering the dreaded “Snooze Zone.” I don’t mean snooze as in we are actually going to be able to get more sleep, no I am referring to that lovely little alarm feature that will make sure that no one will get a lick of shuteye for the rest of the morning. Apparently the 5:45 alarm was merely a suggestion. You know, kind of like when the doctor gives you a prescription for a cold and suggests you should probably watch your drinking. In theory a great idea but altogether impractical. I lay there attempting to get comfortable but what is the point? Once you have entered the Snooze Zone you are good and properly screwed. I stare at the ceiling waiting for the next blast of the alarm and ponder the logic of setting an alarm for a time that you have absolutely no intention of getting up for. Frankly, it makes zero sense. If you really don’t have to be up until 6:30 set the mother scratching alarm for 6:30. No one is winning bonus points on the scoreboard of life for setting the alarm for an ungodly hour and then ignoring it and subsequently disturbing everyone else in the process. At my advanced age every precious moment of sleep should be guarded and cherished not used and abused like a $2 whore. Luckily I think I have solved this horrible problem. I just had Rachel take a quick look at this draft and I am pretty sure I am in the clear. I don’t think her alarm should be an issue for me as I sleep on the couch tonight.
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