The #ManFlu Monologues

Good morning fine readers I hope this January day finds you in good health and spirits. Today may end up being a seminal day in the history of this blog as there is a definite chance this may be the last blog ever. I know what you are thinking, “What in the hell happened? Is Big Brother trying to shut you down? Is it those fucking Russians again? Have you lost your writing spirit?” No folks, something even more diabolical has taken place, I woke up this morning with what could very well be a terminal case of the #ManFlu. (Insert gasp of horror here.)

Believe me, I am fighting the good fight and refuse to just lay down and let nature just take me to the grave. I know you are wondering how bad things are over here so let me recount a conversation betwen myself and the lovely and talented Rachel this morning.

Rachel – Sweetie, you should just stay home from work today, you barely slept and you sound and look like shit.

Me- How kind. It’s really bad this morning babe, this could be Bulimia.

Rachel- Im gonna go ahead and say no to Bulimia.

Me- I also think it cold be Plantar Fasciitis.

Rachel- Well dear, that is a freaking foot injury so I’m thinking that is not why you have sinus issues and a cold.

Me- I can feel death lurking around the corner, I am so weak. If you leave for work and I am all alone what will I do?

Rachel- Those dishes and laundry aren’t going to do themselves. You have the #ManFlu Craig, stay home and get some rest and I assure you that you will not die.

As you can see my condition has garnered very little sympathy around this house even as I sit waiting for the gentle kiss of death by Sinusitis. I am hoping that I will be able to fight off this dreaded affliction and if I can ask one favor may you all please take a moment today to #PrayForRachel.

Have a great day folks and please comment and share.

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After surviving the holidays and ringing in the New Year I thought this evening would be a good time to knock the dust off of this dormant blog and maybe kick start my writing habit. At this point I think my laziness in writing is only matched by my love of tacos and the feel of a well struck golf shot. Since I am way past the age of making New Years Resolutions and thinking I will stick with them for more than 11 seconds (remember last year’s workout goals people?) I thought that his year I might take a more broad approach to my outlook on life.

Maybe I am getting older and wiser, or maybe my give a shit meter is broken but I honestly think working in my new area has actually taught me a couple of lessons. You see, the area I work in is extremely rural and to many of us it would be considered redneck, hick or hillbilly heaven. I am no different, in my first few months in this area I was convinced I was literally minutes away from getting run over by a John Deere or becoming a casualty to a rogue livestock stampede.

While I was busy working and fantasizing about my eventual demise in a dark wood with dualing banjos playing an interesting thing happened. Nothing. These folks didn’t give a rat’s ass what I thought about them or their lives. I’m talking zero fucks given. The people were very friendly to me but could literally care less what I thought about their jacked up pickups, camo laden wardbrode and shitkicker boots. This was their world and they were completely comfortable in it. While many of us are out trying to create a fake perfect world that doesn’t really make us happy these folks are out enjoying life by their own rules. Novel idea isn’t it?

Here is my final thought on this silly little observation, now that 2018 is here go out there and do what you love regardless of what it is or how you think it looks. Wanna buy a Monster Truck? Do it. Want to fill your fridge with Natty Light and watch pay per view WWE events? Go for it. Are you a 6’3″ biker dude who secretly loves opera? Go get tickets to a show my friend. It could be worse, you could be like a certain mid 30’s red blooded American male friend of mine who called “The Bachelor” compelling. Sorry Ben Callis, had to do it. Haha.  Learn a little something from my hillbilly friends and go out there and do you. I promise that if you are a good person no one is going to judge how you live your life and at the end of the day you will be so much happier.

Please comment and share, maybe some feedback will get my lazy ass back on here writing instead of staring at a blank page.