So, it has recently been brought to my attention that my lazy ass has not provided any witty or humorous banter on this blog in many, many months, I wanted to argue the point but that would have taken effort and frankly these folks were correct. I also racked my brain for a good 30 seconds trying to come up with a reason for my abscence but even that proved to be too overwhelming for me. So I guess all I can do is attempt to make a triumphant comeback this evening much like Tiger Woods coming back from Stripperpalooza, his wife smashing his Caddy with a 9 iron and a spine that is held together with a contraption that McGyver probably invented. So here we go.
I was at the golf course the other day and the fellas and I were having an in depth discussion about life’s greatest questions, things like will the Lions ever win a Super Bowl? What the fuck is a Keto diet? Had you ever heard of Gluten as a child? And the question that always brings up a heated and partisan response, which Spice Girl would you have liked to get in the sack? I don’t need to tell you fine readers that more than one after golf cocktail can be consumed at the 19th hole while you are weighing these lofty matters. It was after these discussions that the topic got changed to one that I truly wonder about, “Why in the hell are people these days always looking for something to be enraged about?” How do you wake up in the fucking morning and think to yourself, shower, drop the kids off, get a coffee, hit the office and then find some nonsensical thing to be offended by. In my opinion life on most days can be a swift kick in the junk you weren’t expecting so I try to start out thinking the best until at some point the cosmic forces decide to just slap me around a little bit each day. Do these people not have kids? Jobs? Bills? A damn dog that is literally bat shit crazy on the daily? I suppose it is our easy access to the 24 hour news cycle via our crack laced Apple products but even then how much of this daily bullshit really affects your life if you just choose to ignore it? I realize these news outlets are trying to make money but some of this shit that is breathlessly reported as “news” is complete foolish fucktardery. So tonight I am gonna beg you all to step away from the nonsense and live your life. I promise you that 95% of this bullshit that is forced on us each day has little to no bearing on our every day lives. So get out there and live your life, drink that cocktail, ask that person you secretly crush on out for a date, take your kids to the park and tell these idiots in Washington and the “news” media to get back with us when there is actually something relevant to life that we really need to know.
Alright folks, thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy. Do me a favor and like and share and maybe my fragile male ego will be more likely to not wait months to do this again.